Follow us
Add us as a preferred source on Google
Although I try hard to ignore the calendar, the holiday season is almost here. Between stirring up batches of homemade mincemeat (yes, I really do) and preparing a guest list, my mind turned to the collision of generational habits around the dinner table.
While I was taught to politely remove my shoes at the door and never arrive empty-handed – how much is this old-school etiquette today? You can get away with bending the rules around close family, but how should you behave when you’re under the roof of a lesser-known host?
Fortunately, you don’t need to guess the correct social etiquette when you’re on a holiday, because the furniture company Joybird has done the basics for you. It surveyed over 2,800 US adults to determine what modern houseguest courtesy looks like, from non-negotiable house rules and off-limits conversations to changing customs. Here’s a deep dive into what they found.
Latest Videos FromTom the guide
Don’t make this biggest etiquette mistake
Don’t forget to take off your shoes when you cross the threshold; The rudest etiquette mistake is snooping. It was the most hated behavior across generations, scoring 61% with nothing else coming close.
The rudest etiquette mistake is snooping. It was the most hated behavior across generations, scoring 61% with nothing else coming close.
As a house writer, it’s hard to keep up; I’m always desperate to look at everyone’s home decor, but there’s an unwritten houseguest rule you shouldn’t break.
So next time you’re a guest, don’t snoop in private rooms. And don’t even think about looking in cupboards, drawers and cupboards – they are all strictly off-limits.
What other bad habits cross the line
Although snooping was undoubtedly the rudest behavior on which the generations agreed, illness came in second place. So if you have a slight sneeze or feel a little restless, you’d better stay home.
At 42%, it was the second most hated behavior of the three oldest generations, and you can see why. Your light snow could be the gift that keeps on giving – spoiling the entire holiday season for your host and any other guests.
Criticizing the host’s house, the food (how can you) or the decor was among the other bad behaviors, sitting in the top five, along with bringing a pet without asking or dragging the children to an adult meeting.
Which drives me to distraction
Having phones at the dinner table is one of my pet peeves, and I’m not alone. A solid 62% of people surveyed agree that guests should remove their phones during a visit. It’s no surprise that Baby Boomers were the most opposed to this habit at 77%, but it spans generations, with even young Gen Zers at 52% considering screens at the table to be bad form.
So, while my grandparents constantly enforced the “elbows off the table” rule, the survey shows that this old-school etiquette is no longer important and has been overridden by keeping screens out of sight.
Other etiquette rules you need to know
Are you always late to the party? It turns out that 40% consider it impolite to arrive no more than 15 minutes late, but you will be scolded if you arrive very late without sending a call text. But stop the clock if you’re invited to a Baby Boomer party, as 68% like guests to arrive within 15 minutes of the start time.
The most taboo topic in social gatherings is discussing appearance and weight, with 55% agreeing that the topic should be off-limits.
And while you won’t be fined for not taking off your shoes, four out of five say it’s basic etiquette, although baby boomers aren’t quite as bothered. A word from me: if you like to keep your feet comfortable, don’t come to your boss’s house with your slippers on – that’s strictly for family visits in my book.
The most taboo topic in social gatherings is discussing appearance and weight, with 55% agreeing that the topic should be off-limits. Politics and religion follow, with Baby Boomers having much stronger views than other generations on these topics to avoid. So, before you share your opinion at the party, consider whether a more neutral topic would be appropriate, and keep in the good books of your host.
You’re also more likely to be invited back if you offer to bring the host a gift, with 77% agreeing that it’s a common courtesy. Furthermore, 76% agree that it is polite to clean up after a meal. Just hope they don’t take you up on the offer!
Old-school etiquette rules that don’t matter anymore
As I mentioned, keeping your elbows off the table is now considered an outdated politeness, although it is surpassed by writing a thank you note. But here, instead of writing a handwritten note, more than half say they would still consider sending a thank-you text or message, showing that appreciation is still important.
I remember my grandparents using the term “Sunday best” to refer to whipping out your nicest, cleanest clothes, but are you still expected to turn up for dinner dressed up? Apparently 53% consider this a dated tradition. I tell my father he can put his shoe pads away!
Over you
I’d love to hear more about your hosting experiences, and what drives you to distraction? Are you a “shoes at the door” host, or are you much more laid back? And what is the memorable guest behavior that lands someone on your “no-return” list? Share your stories and house rules in the comments below.
follow Tom’s Guide to Google News in the add us as a preferred source to get our latest news, analysis and reviews in your feeds.